Fenwocket “Fidget” Goldenbark’s Folio on Magical Studies and Arcane Fundamentals, Jr.
Fenwocket “Fidget” Goldenbark’s Folio on Magical Studies and Arcane Fundamentals, Jr.
Chapter VII: On Warlocks, Patrons, and Other Questionable Life Choices
“If you are reading this chapter first, please stop. Return to Chapter I and learn how not to set your sleeves on fire with a cantrip. Then come back. I will wait.”
— Fidget
What is a Warlock?¶
A warlock is an arcane practitioner who has decided that learning magic the slow, structured, and relatively safe way is entirely too inconvenient.
Instead, they acquire power through an agreement.
Now, before you get excited, this agreement is not:
- a handshake deal
- a polite academic exchange
- or a “borrow a cup of spellcasting” situation
It is a pact.
And pacts, dear reader, are binding.
On the Nature of Patrons¶
A warlock’s power originates from a patron—a being of immense magical influence. These entities exist beyond the ordinary bounds of the material world and include (but are absolutely not limited to):
- Archfey, who will absolutely give you power and then laugh when you misunderstand the rules
- Fiends, who will absolutely give you power and then ensure you regret it
- Elder beings, who may not notice you exist (this is the best-case scenario)
- Other things, for which I have dedicated an entire appendix labeled “Do Not Engage”
These beings do not “teach” magic in the conventional sense.
They grant access to it.
This is faster.
This is easier.
This is why people do it.
Why Become a Warlock?¶
In a proper academy, one might spend:
- decades mastering fundamentals
- years perfecting control
- and a lifetime avoiding catastrophic errors
A warlock may achieve comparable power in a fraction of that time.
Naturally, this comes with… considerations.
On Motivation (or: Why This Keeps Happening)¶
Most warlocks begin with a simple idea:
“There must be more power than this.”
They seek:
- knowledge forbidden or forgotten
- shortcuts through magical complexity
- answers to questions no teacher will answer
Sometimes they are:
- ambitious
- desperate
- curious
- or simply very, very confident
Occasionally, they are correct to be.
On the Relationship Between Warlock and Patron¶
This is where things become… nuanced.
A warlock’s patron is not always:
- a master
- a deity
- or even an active presence
Rather, the relationship may resemble:
- a contract
- a bargain
- a mutual exploitation
- or, in rare and baffling cases, a friendship
Some warlocks:
- revere their patrons
- resent them
- attempt to outwit them
- or forget about them entirely (this never ends well)
It is important to understand:
The patron always benefits.
Even if you do not yet understand how.
On Risk
Let us be clear.
Becoming a warlock is not inherently foolish.
It is, however, inherently dangerous.
You are:
- channeling power not your own
- relying on knowledge not fully understood
- and entangling yourself with entities whose goals may extend far beyond your comprehension
In more stable ages, one might consult a cleric for guidance.
At present, I recommend:
- careful reading
- cautious experimentation
- and not signing anything written in glowing script
A Practical Comparison¶
| Path | Time Investment | Stability | Risk of Catastrophic Consequence |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wizard | High | High | Moderate |
| Sorcerer | Variable | Moderate | Moderate |
| Warlock | Low | Low | Extremely High (but efficient!) |
Fidget’s Final Advice¶
If you are considering becoming a warlock, ask yourself the following:
- Do I understand the terms of the agreement?
- Do I believe the other party is being honest?
- Am I comfortable with the possibility that I am wrong about both of the above?
If your answer to any of these is “no,”
…you are proceeding exactly like every warlock who came before you.
“Power is a tool. Knowledge is a safeguard. If you trade one for the other, at least be honest about which you are giving up.”
— Fidget